I’m a writer, and yet there are many times when I don’t feel like writing. I will sometimes go for weeks without putting any thoughts on paper. Okay, not really on paper but in a computer word document. I find this interesting, and decided to analyze myself a little bit to find out why I go through times where I don’t want to do what a writer does. I suppose it’s normal for people to go through times when they don’t really want to do something, even though it’s the thing they do. Of course, everyone with a job has days where they really don’t want to go to work. That’s not what I’m talking about, since writing is not how I earn a living. No, to me writing is more like a calling or a purpose. It’s something that God has put in my heart and mind, and it’s the kind of thing I want to do even though I don’t get paid to do it. So it’s not like career burnout where I have been writing on the job for so long that I just don’t want to do it any longer. So what is it that keeps me from writing?
Sometimes, of course, I’m just tired and/or don’t feel well. After several days of putting in long hours on the job, engaging in family activities, and taking care of other things in life, I feel exhausted and just need to sleep. Or if the pollen count is sky-high like it gets around here this time of year, allergies can sap my strength to the point that I don’t feel like doing anything. That makes sense, and it can easily be fixed with some much-needed rest (and an allergy pill). At other times, I actually do want to write but after being at it for so long my eyes go blurry and my mind can’t seem to focus on what I’m trying to type. I have literally had times where my fingers typed something by themselves as I was falling asleep. When I shake my head a little and see something on the page like “as the shpee fofrgy…..jjjjjjjj”, then I know it’s time to get away from the computer and go to bed!
When it comes to writing, I do have to wonder if anyone will actually read what I say. I’ll admit that sometimes I begin to think that writing is a waste of time because nobody is asking me to do it, and perhaps nobody on earth even cares (even though I know several people who regularly read my work). Then there are times when I think about how many writers are out there who have so much more talent and ability than I do. Plus, they have millions of followers anxiously waiting to consume the words of their latest masterpiece. Why should I take up space on paper or website with my feeble attempts at imparting ideas? I believe this feeling like “it doesn’t matter” is what gets in the way of my writing more often than I care to admit. I would imagine it’s the same way for other people too – not just writers, but painters, architects, doctors, truck drivers, mothers, pastors, receptionists, and so on. We get to thinking that what we do isn’t really all that important, that someone else can do it instead (and probably better), and it’s not worth the effort we put into it. So why do it at all? This way of thinking is flawed, and I’ll explain why.
Continuing on with the example of me as a writer, let me explain to you the problem with wondering if it matters if I write. You can apply the same principles to your situation since they are universal to all people. It all comes back to my Reason – my calling or my purpose. As a writer, my Reason is to share my unique thoughts or points of view through the written word. My Reason is not to receive accolades, attention, money or reward for writing. It is not even my Reason to have someone read my words. My Reason is to write, and to make the things I write available to anyone who may read them. If nobody reads my writings, it doesn’t change my Reason. It is not my responsibility to make sure people read, learn from, and apply what I write; it is my responsibility to write. I hope that my words have an impact on somebody, and would love it if someone’s life is changed by my writing, but that is not my responsibility. I do not get to determine the impact of what I do, and I cannot decide how many people read these words. The results are in God’s hands. My Reason is to put words on a page so they can be read. Period.
Perhaps you too have been through times where you just don’t want to do what you know you are supposed to be doing. Maybe you have felt like you have a purpose in life but it just doesn’t seem like it makes a difference if you fulfill that purpose or not. I’m telling you, it does. Nobody else on earth can do what you do, in the place you’re doing it, at the time you are doing it. Because of this, it does matter that you do it. It’s your Reason and yours alone. If you remember this, you will be able to overcome any hesitancy you may feel about doing it, just like I overcame the feeling that I really didn’t need to share a Mindful Musing with you today!
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